I had a breakdown while sitting on the toilet, doing my business this morning. First really big one since Wednesday (not referring to the business, that's sick). I have cancer. Effffffffing cancer. And how did it happen to me? I don't know. It's not supposed to. So cliche. And yet, it did. And I have to deal with it.

Uuuugggggghhhh. I go to the ENT for my follow up appt today. I had a biopsy on Wed, Sept. 7, which preliminary biopsy results say I have lymphoma, most likely Hodgkins. Oh, If I could only hope and pray for a diagnosis, Hodgkins would be it! So sick and wrong to think this, but it's one of the most curable out there. Both of my doctors have said it to me, even before I found out I had cancer. So, I am hoping when we go to the dr for the final result, this is what it is. I can deal with this. And where do I go from here? I hope to get those answers today.

So here I am, I decided today I add a new title to my tag line: Jenny Bigelow, Blogger Extraordinaire :). I will do my best to document everything that is going on with me and my family in the next few months and beyond, so that anyone who is interested in what is going on, can know. I am not afraid to put myself out there, and I welcome and seek any advice, suggestions, prayers, thoughts, positive energy and vibes that anyone has to offer. I have already received so so so many wonderful messages and calls from people, It overwhelms me. In fact, it is what brings me to tears more than the fact that I have cancer. At least, at this point it is. Well, I do cry when I think about my kids and Ryan, and the rest of my family, when I think about what they will have to go through, as well. But we are a strong lot, full of stubbornness, and we will give this diagnosis "what for" and push on through. I have no doubt about that.

Ok. Deep breath. I need to go wake up Ryan so he can get ready to go with me. He worked the over night shift at the hospital, and has to work at Apple tonight. Then begins a 2 weeks stretch of work for him, without a day off. My dear husband.

Update after dr appt coming up soon. And I'll give a background story, for those of you who want to know how this came about.

Xo