Update--feeling good! No problems here. A little bit of a rolling stomach, but I can eat and drink ok (darn. So much for that starvation diet). Heading into Halloween weekend, ready to raid the kids' trick or treat buckets ;). We have a busy weekend ahead. Thanks for all your well wishes! The kids are getting over sicknesses, so is Ryan, but I have been healthy. I just won't question it anymore, I'll just go with it.

Happy Halloween, all! Xoxoxo

I had to add a pic of my darling hubby and Evan, bc it's such a cute pic :)

Chemo #2, done. Feel ok so far. I got the full dose of the vincristine (numb fingers drug) so we'll see. They said it will get worse before it gets better. Pray that it stays away from my feet! My stomach is rolling a little bit, but I'm on the nausea meds. And we'll see if thE prednisone makes me hyper tonight. I'm 1/3 of the way done! Wahoo!! My visitors for today are in the picture :) Thanks for the brownies, Katie and Evan! Xoxoxo

I went for a Bare Minerals makeover yesterday, and lemme tell you... I look fantastic. :). This make up is a miracle. Like a miracle bra. I was told my face looks slimmer. And sans hair, I may just have to become a head model or something (I came up with this one, no one actually told me that. Lol). Is there such thing?

Questions were asked of me re: my bald head today at work. A lot of people did not know before, and the people who asked wondered if I was doing it for breast cancer. When I told them I had cancer, it surprised them, probably as much as it would surprise ME if any of my coworkers said the same. My patients have all been very nice, and curious about it, asking me questions, which I don't mind. At the same time, I do not want to take away from the reason why I am there--to treat THEM, as my patients.

I got some of my hats today and went out a bought some new scarves this weekend. I also have some neck scarves bc my neck gets cold now. I look kind of fancy, with all my accessories and make up! And man, it takes time to be high maintenance! It took me almost 20 minutes to put on make up this morning. I need to streamline my technique or something. But like I said, the results are fabulous ;). Falling in like, not love, with my bald head daily.

Someone slap me, before I get a big head. A big, bald head.

Well, it's gone. Call me what you will... Mr. Clean, Kojak, GI Jane, Telly Savalas. I ain't got no hair. I have been shorn like a sheep. I did a lot of it, I looked kinda cool with a crew cut. Then Ryan shaved the rest of it. I caught glimpses of my brothers in the mirror every now and then. If any of you thought John and I looked like twins before, you'll flip now. My husband always *loved* when people said that. ;). I do think the absence of my hair will make me girlier, in the fact that I am going to wear make up daily now. And paint my nails. And I want BIG hoop earrings. Some other gaudy ones, too. Watch out, Carmen Miranda! I may just get a huge fruit head piece. You never know. ;)

I'm not quite ready to post pictures yet (oh, you better believe its been finely documented by my personal photographer), but I will when I'm ready. I placed a big hat order last night, so they'll be here next week. I am kind of anxious to hear the reactions of my patients today when I go see them. And the reaction of my kiddos. I did tell them last night, when they wake up, that my hair would be gone. They didn't seem too interested. I'm sure the visual will change that. Some of you may wonder why I just decided to get rid of it. Let me tell you, NOTHING was anchoring my hair to my head. You know when you pull a piece of hair out of your head, and you have a little white root at the end of it? It was like the roots were melted away. Nothing was there, all over my head. So why keep it?

I do have some wigs in the closet, as well. I will try those later. For now, I lay here, in the wee hours of the morning, with Ryan's beanie hat on, sporting the shortest 'do I could ever possibly have. And you'll just have to be here to see it, for now. Neener. He he he. :) (except for you, Jenny L, I promised you a text. Later today, girl ;))

My hair is having a mass exodus from my head. Huge clumps are falling out now. :(. It's so strange, to see my hair so thin, I've always had so much of it.

It makes me cry. And I hate that. Hate it, hate it, hate it. I'm going to have no choice but to wear hats and scarves now. As I pulled clumps of hair out and threw it in the toilet, I stopped to feel my neck, and lo and behold, the lumps are really even smaller today from yesterday. While I lose one good thing, the bad thing that I need to be rid of is going too. That makes me happy. I'm still crying, but I know it's all going to be ok. I'm getting better.

Did you know that they make turbans for women??? I'm going to order me some tonight. Something super funky ;).

:*)

As I was feeling myself up today (just my neck, people), I noticed...the bump that I had behind my ear is GONE. Adios, hasta la vista, boo bye. My lump on the right side, above my clavicle...GONE. My mass of lumps in the left supraclavicular area...so much more significantly smaller. IT WORKS!!!!! How happy am I?? :) :) :) :). I hadn't felt my neck for a few days, and the one bump I had behind my ear was still there for certain this weekend. Today, I seriously can't even feel a trace of it!

What's not working...are my finger tips. They are more numb than last week, especially my thumb, fore finger and middle finger, on the pads. Today I have more tingling than numbness, so I think feeling is trying to return. I hope so. I called Dr Shah yesterday to tell her about the numbness, and she said if it doesn't go away or reduce, they will have to hold one of the chemo drugs, the Vincristine. She doesn't want any permanent damage to my nerves, which I appreciate, but I also don't want the chemo to be less effective. She said they do clinical trials without certain drugs, and the trials still work, but it can also be less effective. It may just take a reduced dose, too, since they base it on height and weight (maybe they gave me enough for a 300 lb football player. I am a bit hefty). So, we'll see. All I know is what they did just after ONE chemo treatment is working! Let's hope this numbness reduces so I can get it all done again like before.

My hair is starting to come out, too :-/. Just strands 4-5 at a time, when I run my fingers through it, but it's starting. Maybe I'll just thin out. Either way, I need to get hat shopping soon.

Anyways, I thought you all would like to hear that bit of good news :). I'm very very happy about this today. :)

I had a follow up appt with Dr. Shah on Wednesday, and it went well.  She felt my bumps, and she thought they felt smaller, which I agreed.  I do have numbness in my fingertips now, which was a known side effect, my finger tips feel like they're a bit frost bitten.  I asked her about my killer heartburn that I had while on the prednisone, and she gave me a script for prevacid.  Thank you, Jeebus.  I felt like I had a hole in my throat, which is better now since I'm not taking drugs, but I'll have it for next time.  I just can't stay away from carbs and tomato sauce anymore, that is worse than the heart burn! ;)

So, next chemo date is Wed., October 26, and the one after is Wed., November 16.  If anyone would like to come and sit with me while I get chemo'd up, let me know! I love visitors :). Ryan will be going with me for all my visits, but he may have to leave early to pick up the boy from the bus, if we don't have anything arranged, so I could use a ride home, if anything, from my homies.  And hey, Whole Foods and Suburpia are just down the street... Lots of good places to eat afterwards :)

Whoa Baby! Big photos. But I'm in yo' faaaacce!

Today I was supposed to run the Chicago Marathon.  While my heart wasn't really into the training this year, I was disappointed that I couldn't finish training to run it.  Something to prove, I guess.  Instead, I ran 2 miles this morning, and I felt great.  I had assumed I would be so tired and not be able to do much, but the fact that I can get out and still go running makes me feel better about all of this.  No big deal!  So instead, I will cheer on my brother John, my friends Heather and Mike from my couch. ;). Run your asses off!  Maybe I'll try again next year...with a definite cause to run for.  

Like I said, I continue to feel well.  Ryan has worked all weekend, and I have been home with the kids.  They have been very very good :).  I'm hoping that I can continue to stay energized through out this all, but I will let you all know when I really need help, I promise.  For now, all is quiet on the Bigelow front.

Have a spectacular week! It continues to be beautiful weather wise up here. We all must take advantage of it.

Xoxoxo

I slept all night! And I feel fantastic today! I'm about to leave for work to see my one patient today, I'm riding my bike there. I'm all dolled up because Ryan is going to take his new fancy lenses for test drive on me, he's shooting a wedding this weekend. If we get any glamour shots, I'll post a few on here later. I'll show you what a real cancer patient looks like ;)

Xoxoxo

It's 9:30, my house is quiet, my dog is laying next to me on the couch... And I'm feeling fiiiiine. Nothing yet. Some heartburn, but no nausea yet. Hopefully I will feel ok tomorrow, I have a few patients to see and I'd like to go to the gym for a bit, but we shall see.

Thank you to all who have called, texted, messaged me today. I have some wonderful friends and family, I can't say that enough. I'm a lucky girl :)

Xoxoxo

Ahhhh! They're pumping me up with Kool Aid! Where's the vodka?!

:)

I slept well last night, woke up this morning, went to the gym, worked for a few hours, all feeling really great!

I am currently at the cancer center now, starting the CHOP portion of this madness. Just found out that I probably won't be sleeping at all tonight, due to the prednisone and the other steroid their giving me via IV, so if anyone has insomnia tonight, give me a call! I'll be probably watching the Cosby show all night. Big surprise. Ooh, I still have to see Bridesmaids, I think I'll rent that! Or call me. Really. If you're up.

Here's to hoping I'm nausea-free. I'll post later, if I'm not feeling cruddy.

I start chemo, and Steve Jobs is gone. What a day.

Day one of chemo is done.  I had the Rituxan part of the cocktail today.  They loaded me up with benadryl, and started the drip.  I was ok, until about an hour into it, I got the shakes and chills, pretty badly.  It felt like a really bad flu.  I needed about 4 warm blankets and my teeth chattered terribly. My mom said I turned white as a ghost.  I cried, bc I hate that flu feeling, and I wanted it to go away.  They had to give me some more benadryl and some steroid shot, and I was fine after about an hour. They were able to restart the drip after that.  I was there for a total of 7 hours.  Whew.  After today, though, they can speed up the future treatments, to about 1/2 that time.  The reaction I had was pretty typical, it happens to most people after about an hour into treatment, so I was very timely :). But now, it shouldnt happen anymore. It was my body's fight against the cancer cells.  The drug was blowing up the cancer, like clay pigeons. Ka blewy!! Ha HA! I've got you now!

Tomorrow I go in for the CHOP portion of the chemo, it should only take 45 min to an hour, and it may make me feel ucky. But I got my scripts for the good nausea stuff, and I'll start taking that tomorrow.

Thank you to Jamie for stopping by on your day off! It was so nice to chat for a while, it broke up the day! Maybe you need some chemo for that shoulder pain of yours.  You can't have mine, though.  Get your own.

View outside of cancer center. The lake is behind the trees.

I'm ready.

Tomorrow is day 1. I know what I can expect, from the worst of it to it not being so bad.  Hoping and wishing for the least amount of symptoms possible, with as little disruption to my life as possible.

Here's the beginning of saying "good bye" to cancer. Easiest good bye I'll get to say.  Don't let the door hit you on the way out. Beotch.